11 week belly...

And this was sucking in.  After I eat and relax it looks soooo huge

Hmm, change of plans...

Remember the name post...?  Here it is, if you don't.

Well, Donnie has been calling Panda Taili late and despite initially liking the name for this baby, as time wore on it just didn't fit.

I'm not even sure that will make sense, but it seemed to cute-sy frilly for the vibe I am getting from Panda.


Sooo, I said as much to Donnie and we went back to the drawing board.

And we found, THE name.  When I said it out loud, it just sounded so right.  Same middle name, because that has always been set in stone for the next kiddo.

So the new and improved (in my opinion) perfect name is:

Beibhinn (pronounced BAY-vin) Page

We decided to go with the traditional Gaelic spelling because it looks prettier than Bayvinn to us.  It means "white" or "fair lady".

So there you have it. 

I love hyenacart.com

Not only is it a huge collection of work at home mom (WAHM) artisans who emphasize natural living/parenting and recycling, but it is my favorite place to buy hand dyed yarn (you know me, the yarn whore) and there are always free for shipping (FFS) drawings.

I won two free t-shirts for Q and a free gorgeous sock knitting pattern!

Shirts!
http://hyenacart.com/nuffsaid/index.php?p=57316

Socks!
http://hyenacart.com/prod_details.php?id=34995&vid=1253

Definitely check out the site.  There is something for everyone, even if you don't cloth diaper or knit.  Just be aware you will probably lose a few hours out of your day browsing! 

Reason # 405 why I am a cool mom.

I let Quinlon draw all over the walls.


Why are you a cool mom/wife/lady?

Phew...

It feels nice to stop puking.  Thank goddess it was only a 24 hour bug.

AND

for the first time in WEEKS, I actually got a good nights sleep.  No tossing and turning and only got up to pee once!  *happy dance*

Q is napping and I am screwing around on facebook since I feel like a million bucks with a full night's sleep under the belt and will probably start on the second leg of Q's X-mas longies.  It's mandarin orange season (I know, I'd be jealous too) and Q ate 3 since we got home and fell asleep with half of the 4th still in his mouth.  ::giggle::

Thanksgiving dinner tonight at a nice restaurant with all our foreigner friends.  Should be LOTS of fun and better yet lots of good AMERICAN food. *happy dance #2*  Now too bad I can't have a nice glass of wine with my meal...  While I do indulge a little bit during pregnancy, I reserve it for 2nd and 3rd trimester.  Only juice for me please!

I can't believe this is Quinlon's SECOND Thanksgiving.  Wow.  Time flies so fast and even being aware of that fact still doesn't ease the shock of realizations like that one.


I'll skip the yearly rant about Native American slaughter and all that jazz because, while I still find it very important, I've chosen to view this year as a day to just contemplate all the things I have and the sacrifices of others that helped me get here.

And of course, the obligatory thankful list:
-my health
-my family
-my amazing, wonderful, adoring, handsome husband whom gives me the world time and time again.
-my beautiful, awe-inspiring son who makes me smile and reminds me constantly of how blessed I truly am.
-the tiny little kumquat in my tummy who I feel fluttering around from time to time.  Grow little panda!  We are so happy that we get to be your family.
-my friends, real life and online. Honestly, I make no differentiation in my mind.  You are ALL precious to me
-the special family in Houston, TX who gave when they didn't have to and opened their hearts and home to us in our time of need, thank you.  We love you all so much and everyday I pray your dreams come true and that your Lord blesses you beyond measure.  Thank you seems so shallow.


Happy Thanksgiving, friends. 

Now, if only the US would follow suit...

But they won't.

Breech vaginal birth is no more risky than regular head first presentation.

I knew this.  But then again I am quite the natural birth advocate and had an awesome veteran midwife who had seen and delivered EVERYTHING with a transfer rate of less than 1%.  There are some situations where breech can be more dangerous such as a short cord, but statistics are showing that the fearmongering OBs do to women over breech is unnecessary and more importantly INACCURATE. 

Way to go Canada!

And the hits just keep on coming...

Woke up at 4 AM puking.  Not morning sickness puking, but full on stomach virus puking until there is nothing but bile left.

Puked and had diarrhea all morning until about 11 when I managed to keep some 7Up down.  Since then I've eaten half a banana and some crackers and a popcicle with manageable results.

I feel like I got hit by a fucking truck.


I promise a post with more substance soon.  I'm just not up to much of anything other than vegging out in front of TV and sleeping.

Rough night, rough day

I slept... that is a lie.  I tried to sleep and failed miserably last night.  Tossed and turned and just couldn't shut off the brain.

Sucked.

So then today sucked.

I puked, I had a headache, I had no patience.

Glad it's over.

Manic Monday

Seriously.

Had to go get my pay which took over 2 hours because the fucking bus I needed to take was NOWHERE to be found.

The good part, was I did get a massage with friends.

Today

I witnessed a hat fashion show put on to blaring Backstreet Boys.



Good times, China, good times.

I missed teaching

I had no classes last weekend because of the surprise snowstorm. The 10 degree temps and 9 inches of snow and ice made people reluctant to get out unless absolutely necessary. I can't blame them, it's made me quite the hermit of late as well.

Today I had two classes and, man, I missed it. Now that I have regulars, I love the little jokes and quirks I have with each one. Teaching is really so much fun.


I also started an outline/brainstorm for the book. Once Donnie gets home (with donuts, I might add) we'll probably go to town with the ideas, although I have quite the list on my own brainpower which makes me proud considering half my brain is being eaten by the pandasite (BAHAHA, I crack myself up.

P.S.

Twilight can kiss my ass. What a load of b-rate horseshit!

Another fork...

I haven't posted about it because, well, I was having a hard time dealing with the reality of it, but I won't be able to attend TCM school.

Panda sorta threw a giant wrench into that idea.

With just Q, it would have been fairly simple. By next September he would be 2 1/2 which would make breastfeeding either a non issue, or well, still a non issue because at 2 1/2 he doesn't NEED it. So no stress for supply issues because it is far from his main source of sustenance at this point even and has been for MONTHS. Nanny for one child, not so expensive and I would worry so much less since that one child is old enough to communicate his needs.

Now, the reality is, I would be facing a grueling school work load with a not yet 3 month old who would be entirely dependent on my milk. Ok, well I can buy a pump, but trying to work in a pumping schedule with school and homework just sounds less than ideal. Plus, our style of parenting doesn't really make me being away most of the day almost everyday amenable. I know myself well and I know I would be miserable. I would have massive guilt for not being able to be a mother to my baby like I was with Q.

(Please note that I am not making any sort of judgment on women who do go back to work, this is just how I feel for MY family. Everyone does what they must to make things work.)

So... I started looking into other paths I could take. Lactation consultant is out because that still requires schooling that I don't have. Someday in the future I would love to put it back on the table, but it's not an option now. So, what about a doula...? It's still quite a possible option since there is not a requirement for college degree and I am sure I could hook up with some people here and get experience with births and birth coaching. There's tons of literature I that has been recommended me in the past when I expressed interest in this career path. It's also something that I think could work in harmony with Donnie's career of TCM doctor.

But then Donnie suggested I write.

I've talked about wanting to write a book or two but I never felt like I had the credibility, silly, I know. And the topics I am passionate about and could write about, I feel like I want to wait and experience more before I put my voice out there to be published.

But Donnie had a fantastic book idea that would go along with the photography plans I have since we are buying a DSLR. Obviously, I can't really share the details other than it involves an interesting look at the culture we are so lucky to be immersed in. It's scathing, witty, sarcastic and most of all would be totally eye-opening for people to get this sort of look at the bullshit we see and deal with everyday.

So, it looks like I am taking off down a fork that leads to authorship. Best parts are I get to put to use my writing skills, my intelligence AND I can still be a full time MOM.

Dare I even blog about it?

Seriously, I am scared to put it into words, lest I jinx it and bring the wrath of the universe down on my head for getting my hopes up.


I'll just whisper it then.





I haven't puked in 3 days and I actually feel slightly human.



Shh, it's our little secret through. We don't want to get cocky.


Also, I think I am feeling Panda. Little fluttery taps, unrelated to gassy times and definitely related to sugary times. It's still early, so I am not 100% convinced, time will tell on this one.

Apparently, we are more cryptic than I thought...

or no one else watches cartoons or listens to classic rock.

To our credit, when we shared the name with our BFF, he totally knew the references off the bat. So I guess it's hard to convey all your facets online (duh) and maybe my fault because I never blog about cartoons or music... I mean, they just are a part of my life, a constant thing, so I rarely think of them as formative or important in ways other than brushing your teeth is important.

But, without further ado...


Taili is from this character from the TV series Avatar: The Last Airbender. We love the show. It's based on kung fu and Donnie is friends with the man who did all the choreography for the show. Awesome cartoon with a fantastic moral message.

Page is from none other than this man:



Yep, Jimmy Page, the legendary guitarist for Led Zeppelin. He is a hero to both Donnie and I musically.

So there you have it. We've made it our goal to give all of our children meaningful unique (but not kooky) names with origins that aren't immediately clear. I'm pretty pleased.

Name game

I thought about it, and there really is no way I could give enough hints to the name that would even give people a sporting chance. The name is that obscure/unique.


Promise not to tell Donnie I shared? Promise not to borrow/steal/copy (at least not for 5 years or so)?









Ok so the name is Taili Page (Tie-lee, emphasis is equal on both syllables, not the first like "KYlee")

Now if anyone has any clue where the first name or second name came from, I would be pretty impressed. They different references entirely. Taili from one thing and Page a whole other topic.

Quinlon Jade and Taili Page... it has a nice ring to it, right?

"Shifting gears"

After some bumpy moments due to the sudden shift in parenting/relationship dynamic caused by my unexpectedly bad morning sickness, we've finally found a happy place, I think.

Many tears were shed (on my part, of course) over the feelings helplessness and being a burden on Donnie who already has his plate overflowing with commitments (college anyone?).

"We're used to riding down the middle of the road, nice and smooth, but now we need to shift gears. In the past, you've been the backbone of the family, Jess, and now I have to step up and shift things around and be here for you and Quinlon."

Seriously, what a fucking man!

It was rough because it was unexpected and the poor guy is already scheduled to the nines. Now he is studying at home, instead of on campus and even went so far as to go fet me ground beef so I could eat non crap filled hamburgers instead of McDonald's everyday.

Did I mention that there is still 9 inches of ice and snow out and the high today was like 20? Yeah, the combo of hormones and fear of the many smells of China and the cold has turned me into a veritable hermit.

It's not forever. I swear we repeat this to each other constantly, but for now we are surviving and when it does pass, it can "shift" back into Drive and we can go back to our normal balance.



And drama/stress aside, I think I got bigger which is funny since I lost another pound or two. So while my ass is smaller, the baby pooch is slightly bigger, at least I think so... What do you think??

+/-

+:
* donuts. Yes, we now have a western style donut shop in Taiyuan. Oh, happy day!
* I've been much better most of the time with my fluid intake. Mixing 1/3 peach juice with 2/3 water has helped. Not too sugary, not too watery makes a happy tummy.
* I've only had to resort to McDonalds once this week (I think).
* Quinlon is still sleeping through the night. Ladies and gentleman, I think it's sticking!!
* massive symptoms = growing baby.
* space heaters
* My husband is amazing and barely gets upset with me for being my bitch (aka running all over the fucking city for my food aversions).
* have decided on a name... thinking of doing a guessing game on the blog for a prize. Donnie wants to keep it a secret because he hates the idea of anyone "stealing" the name. I'm afraid my blog readers will rip me to shreds if I don't share LOL.

-:
* puking sucks.
* gagging uncontrollably in public just because everything makes you gag sucks
* It's 25 degrees outside and for some reason the heat in the building is off today. WTF is that about?
* Seeing some Quinlon behavior issues arising from the increase in screen time which is a total mommy guilt trip for me right now.
* Subway is NOT open. FUCK, I want a foot long BMT with all the veggies and some oil and vinegar... mmmmmmmmmm


My + list is much longer than the - which is good. Trying to stay positive when you feel like crap is not the easiest, but I'm fully convinced this is the Tao's way of teaching me humility and patience.

Nothing like a massage to brighten your day.

After a pretty craptastic start to my day, (waking up with a headache, puking up breakfast the puking again because of the stinky bathroom even though all that was left was stomach acid) I managed to make it out of the house and out to McDonald's with Donnie.

I had no classes today (another craptastic thing, because no class=no money) so we had the babysitter come for a few hours so we could have lunch and a massage together.


Nothing beats that right?

Well, except massage parlors in China are also basically brothels. You can have just a massage or you can get the "happy ending".

Obviously, we opted out of the happy ending but it made for some funny jokes back and forth while we were getting rubbed down. The girls didn't understand us, so they were our own little private jokes.

I'm currently being handed a hoody, a litchi and one shoe and Quinlon is demanding I put them on him immediately. LOL

Life with a toddler is never boring. Damn this kid loves litchi fruit.

Now a jar of jelly??? WTF, Quinlon, this is not a scavenger hunt.

All's quiet on the east side.

Nothing much to report, so to fill my obligation to NaBloPoMo here's a picture of Quinlon's first busted lip.

Sort of meh...

Had a decent day or two. By decent, I mean no puking, minimal dry heaving and only mild nausea. Still exhausted and miserable enough to be a sucktastic mommy. Well, sort of sucktastic, we have played whack the tennis ball at each other with plastic bottles and dance like idiots to Led Zeppelin. So, that is a step up, I think.

Mother in law mailed a HUGE package full of goodies/Yule presents for us. A little guitar, sock monkey jack-in-the-box, wooden Transformers (I was totally wowed by those), mini Lincoln Logs, magnetic board game, bees wax crayons, a talking parrot and a waldorf baby doll for Q. Damn, that is a HUGE list. And to think, all I have for him is a little scooter, a puzzle, a felted monkey ball and a hand dyed silk play cape. I was totally impressed that out of ALL the stuff she sent, the ONLY plastic toy was the talking parrot. Everything else was wooden/natural and the only thing that I specifically asked for was the baby doll. She did so good. I am so proud of her. Last year, I know she was stumped when we said nothing plastic because she just sent clothes LOL.

For us, there was Starbucks whole bean coffee, a cocktail shaker and glass set, TONS of Burts Bees goodies and some shirts... oh and shirts for Q, of course.

It cost $130 to ship that sucker. Anyone else want to nominate this woman for sainthood? She did say next time she would just send us paypal because that was waaaayyy to much hassle and $$$.


Anyone on here that is on my facebook want to be my water reminder? Lately I have been sucking at fluid intake. The nausea just makes me so anti ingesting anything, but then I end up dehydrated with a headache and even MORE nauseated. I need someone to poke my ass and remind me to fill that cup!

A break from the negative...

Quinlon has officially slept from 10PM-6AM without waking or nursing for 10 days. I am so proud of my big boy for finally mastering this skill when HE was ready. Sure, I was ready lonnnnng ago because 19 months is a LONG time to go with only 3-4 hour sleep increments, but I was determined to let him learn it peacefully and at his own pace.

The pay off is so sweet.


Just in time for 1st trimester insomnia/body temp/achiness issues. But let's look at the bright side, my boobies are getting a break at night too.

Bad day.

I'm losing the ability to take comfort in the morning sickness aka all day sickness and constant nausea.


I'm hitting a wall and not sure where to turn.


I just want some fucking peanut butter, is that too much to ask?

Fuck me running.

It's a dark path we tread these days.

C'mon Senate. Kill it good.

8 weeks and antsy

Little Panda is 8 weeks along (well, 6 weeks gestation yadda, yadda, yadda) and I feel antsy. I guess it's because this is a big trigger milestone for me. 3 1/2 years ago I went in at 8 weeks for an u/s and instead of happiness, got hit by a Mack truck of heartbreak.

And earlier feelings of confidence start to crumble a little when facing this milestone. Too early for movement to reassure me, and too early to reliably find the heartbeat on doppler (some very skilled care providers can around 8-9 weeks, my midwife with Q included. 9 weeks on the button we heard his little thumper).

Deep breath.

Still feel like shit, but it is so duplicitous because I didn't have reduction in symptoms with my miscarriage.

Deep down, I still feel like she is fine, but being a bit burnt by the past makes the ugly bitch doubt creep in. I've had a few dreams of losing her which I am sure is just my subconscious fears bubbling to the surface when I fitfully sleep.




Ugh, anyone wanna whiny clingy toddler? I'm totally not feeling capable of him today.

One day at a time.

That is my current mantra. Some days are hellacious with me running to the toilet or dry heaving until my eyes water every hour and some are only moderately uncomfortable with just a general feeling of ickiness.

Each day is one day closer to the end of the miserable part. It will get more fun... at least I *think* I remember it is fun at some point.

Last night we switched rooms around. When we moved into this apartment, the front room closest to the door, which is the biggest room and the only one with an installed wall ac/heat unit was the bedroom. Even with a king size bed and 2 wardrobes it was still just a big empty space. The living room was the smaller back room with the balcony and newer windows that are less drafty and definitely QUIETER. Finally, I gave in and we switched the two. Now the living room is big enough for a tea table, a toddler play area, 2 couches and the TV. YAY! Last night wasn't bad. I expected a little hiccup in sleeping pattern because of the slightly new surroundings, but luckily Quinlon was pretty good. I probably had more issues because of it than he did. Just a different set of sounds to adjust too since I was so used to the constant NOISE from the street in the other room.

Tomorrow, I should hear something about the doctor situation. But lately, the more I think about it, the less I am willing to have a hospital birth if we are normal and low risk. I don't want the temptation of drugs even available, because I know how easy it is to give in to the promise of relief in that moment of labor when you hit The Wall. (If you are good at reading between lines you will have read that as "When I was in transition I begged for drugs like cat in heat" ;-))

I'm still pursuing other options of care. I've joined a message board for international midwives and found that it is NOT uncommon for some to travel to mamas just to deliver babies in natural home birth ways in cultures where that standard of care is hard to find. If you pray, I would appreciate any spare prayers or positive thoughts you can send our way that I can find someone willing to do this for us. That situation would mean normal prenatal care in whatever fashion I find best for the time being and a special midwife flying in to hang out around the due date of little Panda. Pretty cool, all in all.

Ok enough of my rambling... I'm really sort of jumbled and overwhelmed today so I just typed what spewed out of my head. If you read it all, you must be either very bored or... well, very bored.

Call me an alarmist...

But modern prenatal care scares me in a LOT of ways. Not just the worrisome rate of C-section in the US, but more recently, a midwife friend of mine brought the concern with ultrasounds and doppler usage to my attention.

We're basically bombarding a growing unborn baby with ultra sonic sound waves. Did you know the military uses sound waves as a weapon now? Sound is nothing to fuck around with. There is REAL energy carried in sound waves. Think about when you go somewhere with super loud bass how it thumps uncomfortably in your chest...

There is a blog I follow (but don't always read because sometimes the information is really upsetting (because it's true) that is well written and researched with documentation. This is an excerpt from a article posted there.

"From 2,834 pregnant women, 1,415 received ultrasound imaging at 18,24, 28, 34 and 38 weeks gestation (intensive group) while the other 1,419 received single ultrasound imaging at 18 weeks (regular group). The only difference between the two groups was significantly higher (one-third more) intrauterine growth retardation in the intensive group. This important and serious finding prompted the authors to state: "It would seem prudent to limit ultrasound examinations of the fetus to those cases in which the information is likely to be of clinical importance". Ironically, it is now likely that ultrasound may lead to the very condition, IUGR, that it has for so long claimed to be effective in detecting."

The very ultrasound tools we use today were originally used to detect flaws in metal. Metal isn't alive, so who cares if it is dangerous to growing tissue, right? I mean, the creator obviously wasn't expecting the technology to be borrowed by a Scottish doctor to look at tumors and then later at unborn babies.

Prior to u/s technology, doctors routinely used X-RAYS to check fetal growth. WTF! And at the time, it was said that "antenatal work without the routine use of X-rays is no more justifiable than would be the treatment of fractures".

It just alarms me that we run around blasting our unborn kids with ultrasounds on a monthly basis in some cases for the purpose of checking growth.

Trust me, I had a miscarriage. One where I didn't even know until 2 weeks AFTER the fact because my body still thought I was pregnant. I understand the peace of mind peeking at that little heartbeat provides, but does anyone ever stop to think that a technology barely 30 years old with very little study into it's complete safety shouldn't be handed out like candy? It's a GREAT diagnostic tool, but nowadays we have companies providing "fun ultrasounds" and a album of pictures for the family book... Scary.

I'm not bashing anyone who does have repeated u/s. It's all your choice but in light of what I've been reading, I am glad I had a midwife last pregnancy who was "anti-frivolous ultrasound" (her words) and only had 2 with Q.

We have a health care system who has repeatedly pushed things to the medical market before being certain they are 100% safe (viox, effexor, etc) so it definitely raises some flags for me knowing what I have learned.

Something to think about, yes?

In response

"Anonymous said...

Good luck getting your requests met, Jessi, and congratulations on the new pregnancy!

I've been reading your blog for a while and have been wondering something. I'm guessing you and Donnie don't intend to become Chinese citizens, and therefore won't be subject to the infamous "one child" policy in China. But does the policy and/or the culture that has resulted from it made things more challenging for you? Do you expect to get some stares when you and Donnie are walking around with two kids? (A friend of mine who is a mother of three is planning to move to China in the spring. During their orientation, they were told to be prepared for that kind of thing.)

Thanks!"

I've already encountered a little of the disbelief bred by the one child policy. One of Donnie's student immediately asked if I needed help getting an abortion. And another asked incredulously how I was going to chase Quinlon around while pregnant. In both cases simply explaining that it's normal and common in our culture was hard for them to swallow.

I am actually sort of dreading once I begin to show. We get stares as it is... I know it will only grow exponentially once it is apparent that we are having a second child. As it is, we are semi-famous. Q is a little celebrity and gets away with near murder in public because he is foreign. It definitely works to our advantage most of the time, but the attention is exhausting.

"I hope that you are able to find a care provider who will accomodate your wishes. Is the high rate of C-sections related to the restrictions that were placed on the number of children allowed (opting for a surgical delivery so that tubes could be tied)? It is just so odd for a nation that places such emphasis on more traditional and holistic therapies!"

Yeah, but they are trying to phase out TCM in favor of Western medicine. ::sigh:: A lot of C-sections are so they can just get tubes tied at once, but there is also a social fear about your lady bits getting stretched out and not being pleasing to your husband after vaginal birth. Yeah, I'll give you a second to process that. My Chinese friend also said that at the public hospitals, it is not uncommon for Drs to get tired of waiting on women in labor and just rush to a section for scheduling reasons. Yeah I am sure your panties are as twisted as mine were.

My demands are a bit free thinking for their society. Remember they are communist and a big part of that social aspect is doing what you are told and not questioning things. We so totally do NOT fit in LOL

My list of demands...

I feel sorta bad for my Chinese friend and the HCPs she has to interview for me. Here's a copy paste of my email to her.

"Thank you again for helping me with this. I am apologizing in advance for how difficult this might be.

1st preference: Home birth attended by midwife/doctor who is comfortable allowing me to labor on my own with no IVs or constant monitoring. Fetal heart tones can be taken at regular intervals by doppler. After birth, baby will not go to the hospital. No injections, medications or supplements will be given to the infant in the case of a normal delivery. As far as pregnancy care, I do not want more than 2 ultrasounds the entire pregnancy. I will not have vaccinations or shots. In the case of afterbirth complications, I will allow injections of pitocin ( to start uterine contractions. This was necessary at Q's birth). After birth, I want to be allowed to breastfeed on demand and to be left alone as much as possible.

If there is no caregiver willing to attend at home, I will consider a hospital setting but only with the expectation that is to be uninvasive and as much LIKE a home delivery as possible. No monitors, no IVs, no medications. Baby does NOT leave my room without a parent in attendance EVER. After birth, I want to be allowed to breastfeed on demand and to be left alone as much as possible.

Not sure what the post partum follow up standard of care here is, so any info you can get on that would be appreciated. Also, as far as newborn exam being required, I want it performed with me or Donnie present.

Let me know if you have any follow up questions."

I am sure they are going to think that I am off my rocker, but here's hoping she has luck at the private hospital that has a lower C-section/intervention record and are more likely to facilitate my "demands".

The good thing in my favor is that, in China, money in the right hands can get you a lot of things that aren't easy or... sometimes legal.

I HATE first trimester

Seriously, I can think of NOTHING positive about the first 3ish months.

I am so sick of being sick. I have a massive hate/hate relationship with food. Next to nothing sounds good and half the time what does sound godcomes back up faster than things that I didn't want to eat.

I'm so emotional and keep having nightmares.

I'm exhausted and have turned into "that" mom... you know the one that plops the kid in front of the TV in order to lay on the couch and feel like shit. I HATE how much TV time Quinlon has had for the past few weeks.

And my house. :::sigh::: If CPS were to come, they might have a case... I have swept once in the last 2 weeks and my mop is MIA, not that I really have looked for it. I HAVE managed to keep laundry sort of under control (until today when I realized Quinlon has NO clean socks). But the clutter and mess is just atrocious and I am actually embarrassed by the state of my home. But, no matter how I try, I can't get back on top of it. More than 5 minutes of physical activity results in hot flashes and nausea so bad that I am torn whether to run to the bathroom or curl up in bed and cry.

I just want to fast forward to 2nd trimester. I loved it. The belly, the movement, the energy!

Lest anyone think I am not appreciative of my situation, because, let's face it, above whining can seem quite ungrateful, I will say, that Donnie has been wonderful. I think he is more excited about Panda than I am and has bent over backwards to help me so many times. He cleans the kitchen for me almost daily (NO WAY can I face the sink full of slimy dishes or all the SMELLS) and runs errands for me like you wouldn't believe.

I'm just ready to be able to enjoy this pregnancy like I did with Quinlon's.

Phew

I almost missed blogging today. Stupid morning sickness had me in bed most of the day and the rest of the day was spent wrangling a SUPER moody/whiny/clingy toddler.

This is what you get when aforementioned circumstances collide.

NaBloPoMo

What is this, you wonder?

National blog posting month!


Check it out for yourself!

I figured what better way to try and beat pregnancy exhaustion bloglessness than with some prize motivated contests!!

Thank you!

Thank you for all the support and concern. I really am lucky to be a part of such a wonderful group of people here in bloggerland.

I am fine. Not hurt and definitely over the feelings of vulnerability and helplessness that are natural results of something like that.


Back to the regularly scheduled program of puking and nausea and barely keeping up with a crazy toddler.