Monday, March 31, 2008

Babysaurus birth story (with pics)

I have a few minutes because Donnie is taking Quinlon for walk to try and wake him up to eat. I fell sleep too long and didn't feed him soon enough and now he's pretty lethargic and won't latch on... Stress already! Woo.

After we went back to the birthing center Saturday around 5 PM, I labored for a while until suddenly, within an hour I went from 2cm to 5 cm... Silly me got my hopes up that it would go fast.

The next 8 hours I only dilated 1-2 cm and my contractions were getting soooo hard that I was not getting reprieve in between them. I was so upset and I begged to give up over and over. Donnie is amazing and refused to let me give up and go to the hosiptal even when I begged because I was sooooo discouraged and frustrated by my lack of progress.

When it finally came time to push, my midwife discovered that I had an anterior lip on my cervix, which means she had to try and push it aside when I was pushing. It wasn't working, I was melting down. I also have a v shaped dip in my pubic bone that was causing me to have tremendous pressure and excruciating pain in the front of my pubic bone.

I lost it so many times. I finally had a breakdown and they called the head midwife who came and yelled at me until I came to my senses. Because I was having so many issues with pushing they moved me to the bed and I had to push there.

Finally, after 26 hours of hard labor and nearly 2 hours of pushing, I finally got to hold my baby! He is perfect. Other than our BFing issue that we are trying super hard to solve right now, he is such a good baby.

Watching Donnie with him is the greatest thing in the world. He adores him and I can't help but cry a little.

Thank you to all you people who have been so supportive throughout the last year or so... I really could NOT have done this without you!

And now, pictures!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Quinlon Jade is here...

26 hours of labor and two tears later... oi. He was born at 4:01 AM March 30th, weighing 7lb 13 oz and 20 1/2 inches long. He's gorgeous and an angel baby...

I didn't get my water birth, but it's a long story and in the end I was just thrilled to finally hold him. I'll post the long story after I get some sleep.


We're back home but only temporarily. My midwife wants me to labor at home until I hit the final stage of labor.

My contractions are pretty freaking strong and my cervix is FINALLY moving forward where it needs to be and I am dilated to 2cms. Quinn is super low so that when my cervix finally does move into plave I should dilate quickly. I have TONS of blood show at this point and am in active labor so we are having the baby TODAY!!!!!

I am soooo excited and my midwife says I am laboring really well and is impressed. So now, we just need my cervix to move forward and dilation to kick into high gear so I can get my butt in that yummy jacuzzi tub!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Here I am again...

Middle of the night and I'm having contractions. These are quite a bit stronger than last time though... AND my hot shower did not take the edge off them at all and I had some brown discharge... so maybe means something? Who knows. It's a good thing I don't have to go to work anymore (Yes it's Saturday, but it's the thought).

I'll update as soon as something changes one way or another.

::Update:: As of 7:30, I lost a big part of my mucus plug mixed with blood. Contractions are still pretty painful and coming about every 5 minutes or so. I tried to lay down and get more sleep from 5 AM on but it wasn't working because laying down made the contractions more painful.

::Update #2:: 9:00 AM Called my midwife. We're meeting her at the birthing center to check for progress. My contractions are pretty painful and 5 minutes apart and I am still losing bits of bloody mucus plug. Not sure if I will be able to update from there so if you don't hear from me, assume we're staying and having a baby!!

Ok, I take it back...

I am freaking out.

I am so tired and miserable and sore and achy and exhausted. I want this baby OUT of me and I am seriously reconsidering EVER wanting another child. I have hit a wall and curled up in bed and sobbed for 20 minutes earlier.

I have uncomfortable contractions ALL day that don't get any stronger no matter what I try and my poor joints are so worn and sore that I am beyond waddling... I am walking something like Frankenstein. I am getting that "You poor thing" look from strangers and even DH asked me if I was ok when I walked into the store to pick him up today... I look that miserable, I guess... but really, I AM that miserable.

The idea that this could go on for another 11 days makes me want to rip my hair out and collapse into a crying snotty mess.

The only good thing to happen today is I found out that my Mom AND my sister are flying out from Texas April 11th to spend a weekend with us. Any of you who have followed the drama with my mother know how meaningful this is to me.

Now if I can just get this baby out before then... heh.

Here's hoping...

I had acupuncture treatment this morning to help induce labor. Dr Tian says that 70% of women go into labor within 24 hours after the treatment. So, hopefully I can be that 70%.

So 3 days late and I'm not freaking out yet, but I want to hold this baby so bad.

In other news, DH surprised me with suggesting cosleeping! He is so in love with this baby that he said he couldn't imagine ever putting him down and he wants to snuggle all the time. It's so funny how attached he is at this point. I love it.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Let me take a moment

and list the good things about being overdue....

I still get ice cream.

Still here...

Ha! My counter can't even understand what's going on.


Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Again, with this shit...

She just doesn't get it.

Just because she had everyone and there dog in the room with her when she gave birth to Donnie does NOT mean she has the right to be there when I give birth.

I don't know how else to explain it to her... We've offered to let her stay at our HOUSE for several days after the initial 24 hours is up but apparently that isn't good enough. She still thinks we are being selfish and intentionally spiteful toward her by not allowing her front row seating to my fucking crotch!

"I had boys, so what do I know?"

Fucking A.

I don't feel bad about what I want. This is MY pregnancy, MY birth, and MY child and this isn't the fucking 70s where they strapped you down and made you a spectacle so BUTT OUT.

FUck fucklufkcufcjkjf;e' I am so pissed off. She doesn't dare say a word to me because she knows better than to push my buttons, but she has been bitching about this to Donnie behind my back hoping that he will give in. I don't even want MY OWN MOTHER in the room (if she could even make it).

Now I'm just upset and it sucks. I just want him to come already so we can get past all this drama and I can hold my little boy and know everything is ok.


Maybe baby today?

I'll update later if things keep progressing, but as of now I can't sleep through the contractions anymore.

::Edit:: OK, took a shower and they went away... well, not away but they aren't painful anymore. Damn.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Bunny Day!

Hope everyone enjoys lots of candy and yummy food.

I am just waiting for tomorrow when all those Cadbury Creme Eggs get marked down 50-70% off. Hot DAMN! I joked a few weeks ago what Quinn was going to wait until after Easter so that he could enjoy the candy madness through me... Ha. Not so funny now that I am still pregnant.

Bah humbug.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

On a more serious note...

I want to take a moment and share a letter I have written my son. Major MAJOR trigs ahead, so please read only if you are going to do so empathetically and NOT with the intent of judgement.

I may actually lock this post because I am not looking for responses, only a venue to express my feelings.

My dearest little dino,

It's so hard to know where to start. My heart is so full of things I want and need you to know, so I guess I will start at the most logical place, the beginning.

You are so incredibly loved, Quinlon Jade. There really are no words to describe how desperately we adore you. Your father and I would die for you in an instant if it would make your life better. You have truly completed our lives in a way that we never knew was possible and have quickly become our most treasured thing. I never understood why parents do what they do and sacrifice themselves and their contentment just to see their child smile, but now I do and it's the most exquisite, pure love I have ever experienced.

You are a very special child; destined to to amazing things in your life. We have made sure that you have every thing you need to be the best you can possibly be. You represent all the hopes and dreams that life has forced us to set aside in replacement of practicality and survival. While we are not going to live our dreams vicariously through you, I feel with all my intuition that there is something very special about you and your destiny has the potential to be world changing.

I wish I knew better how to express everything that is in my head, but I can't find the right words. Please just remember this one thing. You are amazing and there are NO limits on who you can be and what you can do.

All of my love,


Hey, hey, what can I do...?

Nothing. Not a damn thing.

I wont be trying castor oil... Never once heard good things and I am a firm believer that it would only trigger labor if labor was about to start anyway, plus, not a fan of explosive diarrhea.

Spicy food won't work because I eat spicy food EVERYDAY... heh

Sex... Let's not go there. Sex drive has returned but unfortunately Quinn's head is so low that it doesn't exactly feel so good to me.

Walking... been there, done that, will probably do it some more today.

Raspberry leaf...? Been taking it in that herbal supplement (along with Dong Quai and Black Cohosh) since last week. It does give me more contractions, but as you can see, I am still pregnant.

Ignore the unmade bed. LMAO.


So yeah, that is what a 39 week 4 day belly looks like: Uncomfortable.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

39 weeks down

???? more to go?

I'll get straight to the point and the news you are all waiting for... Progress... We have SOME. I am now a fingertip dilated (none last week) 50% effaced (20% last week), and baby is at +2 station, or as DH calls it, "locked and loaded" (0 station last week).

My midwife is pleased. She says that for a first timer, that is nice progress. The only non progress thing is that my cervix is VERY posterior. My midwife has to really reach for it. She said it will move forward very quickly once it starts to dilate more and the time comes.

I gained 6 pounds in the week though. This made me cry, but my midwife assures me it's all in my elephant feet that won't stop swelling. The swelling is just my feet and ankles and as long as it stays there and doesn't spread to my shins and calves, she is fine with it. Stupid water retention!! I'm still well under their cut off point for weight gain (50 lbs) so she is really pleased because I eat really well and exercise.

I am GBS negative, so that's a relief for me, personally.

Here's hoping I won't make it to my 40 week appointment, but I am sure I will. Friday is a full moon and I can't say I would be angry if he decides he wants to be born that weekend.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Oh yeah...

Happy St Patrick's Day.

I have a love/hate relationship with this holiday. I hate the bandwagon Irish(wo)men. You know, the ones that only claim the heritage when it gets them another beer or the chance to grope a drunk chick.

I LOVE the fact that I have an entire day to justify my drunken Irish ancestry with pints of Guinness (OMG YUM!) and corned beef and cabbage (DOUBLE YUM!).

And, I love green.

So, all in all, I come out a winner on this holiday. And it looks like my son will NOT be a St Patty's baby *shrug*. Can't say it bothers me... although I am having some decent painful contractions since earlier this afternoon... I have my midwife appointment tomorrow afternoon so I will see if I'm getting anywhere with this pain and pressure.

So, my friends, get drunk for me and have an Irish Car Bomb or 7 in my honor!


Why can't good people catch a break?!?!

I'm just angry right now. I'm angry at the way the universe works and how it has such little regard for the pitiful human notion of "fairness".

Why do good things happen to people who have done terrible things to others while those who have stood strong and taken the high road get shit on?

All hypothetical questions, I know, but sometimes, when a day like to day catches me unaware, it just breaks my heart and makes me want to spit. Yes, literally spit.

This isn't about me... it's far more important than my whininess and complaints, it has to do with people who have been beaten down time and time again not getting to ever experience their utmost desires in life while those who have brought struggle to others and caused pain to innocent walk away with the fucking prize. It's fucking BULLSHIT.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

This sucks...

Plain and simple.

I want to clean. Good god, my house needs it. By the time I get home from my 9 1/2 hour days at work, I am freaking POOPED and all I want to do is sit on my ever-growing ass and watch TV, knit, or sleep. Then, the weekend rolls around and I SWEAR I am going to clean.


Still tired.

And, actually, do you know/remember how hard it is to bend over with a basketball strapped to your middle? It makes me winded just thinking about doing it, let alone bend, stand, bend, stand, walk a few steps, bend, stand.... UGH.

It's really driving me nuts and I wish wish WISH I had someone who would just say, "Don't worry about it, Jess, I'll clean for you." Heh, not that lucky, am I?

So with 10 days left to EDD, I am doing my best with what I call "cleaning spurts". Pick up a few things. Rest. Wipe a table or countertop. Rest. Take out all the wrapping paper trash from my shower 3 weeks ago. Rest. TAKE A NAP. Stand back and look at what I've accomplished, then sit down and cry because I've barely made a dent.

My frustration with this whole situation is getting pretty intense right now.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


The outpouring of support I've gotten is beyond amazing.

I am in tears from all the kind words and encouragement friends and even a few strangers, ahem, NEW friends, have shared with me.

It feels good to know I am NOT alone in feeling this way and at the same time I feel like I am at the cusp of the greatest adventure of my life.

Am I still terrified? Fucking A right I am... but I know I can do this. It's been done for thousands of years before me, so why the hell can't I?

Enough mushiness... my hormones can't take it.


Sunday, March 9, 2008

Nothing to see here...

I'll admit it. I'm panicking. I've burst into tears at least 3x today, including in the check out line in Wal-Mart with the remaining items I need for my birthing bag.

I just feel so overwhelmed and unprepared. My house is a mess... don't even get me started on Quinlon's room, or should I say room that has his stuff in piles?

If he were to come tomorrow, we would make it. We have the essentials done, but I want everything to be PERFECT and I am just getting such anxiety from the fact that it's NOT done.

And, honestly, I get this huge knot in my stomach when I think of how I will soon have a tiny little infant depending on me and only me for EVERYTHING. I just don't feel confident in my ability to do this... And the idea of giving birth is terrifying me. It's irrational. Donnie keeps telling me how amazing I will be and not to worry. He says that if I can make him feel like he can do this, then there is no reason for me to be so worried. He believes in me, but lately I can't seem to muster any faith in myself.

I'm sure this is common... kinda like cold feet before a wedding.

I'm just so scared.

Sunday, March 2, 2008


I'm "emotional".

No shit, Sherlock.

Why is it again we love our men so much? They are clueless, clumsy, socially awkward creatures with terrible habits and even worse manners...

Then I think of moments like this:

Drunken St Patty's


One year anniversary


Just because...

And I melt all over again. I am so incredibly blessed to be married to this man, sock hiding habits and all. He completes me and has made me into such a BETTER person than I could have imagined I could be.

Oh yeah, and Happy March... 24 more days, HOLY SHIT!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

There are so many ways

this could go wrong.

I'm so close to holding the baby that we ached for for almost 2 years.

God, it really has been nearly to years since we lost our Evelyn. Time does fly. I count myself enormously lucky to be able to spend this year holding my little prince, my love, my Quinlon.

I feel stuck in limbo. Tuesday marks 37 weeks. Full term. I don't feel like the end is near. I still feel... well, pregnant. Few contractions to speak of, no mucus plug loss, nothing, nada. I just don't know when or how it will happen and it sucks to be left in suspense. I guess that is just par for the course though.

Also, lemurs are ridiculously cute.