Thursday, December 31, 2009

i've been defeated...

Firewall issues have initiated a long considered change of venue. 

Hope to see you there!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

My lazy ass finished a project...

Apparently, one of my biggest symptoms this pregnancy is complete lack of knitting motivation...

But since it is tradition for Quinlon to get a pair of knitted longies for Christmas, I had no choice but to kick my ass in gear.  Last year was soooo much easier with only an 8 inch inseam and smaller hips.  This year, his inseam is 11 inches! 

*sigh* my baby is so grown up!

WIPs (Works in Progress) include a pair of socks for a friend and a blanket that is 2/3 done that was SUPPOSED to be a wedding gift back in June.  DOH!

Friday, December 18, 2009

And because I refuse

to let the drama llama eat my day, back to our regularly scheduled program of blogging.

Christmas plans.

Surprisingly, I CAN buy decorations at various stores.  Even more surprising, a freaking 10 inch wide crappy plastic wreath is 50 yuan.  I would pay no  more than $2 at the flea market for this thing.  Out of control.

We're planning dinner.  It's either going to be yumminess at home with our soon to arrive houseguests (they get here the 22nd) or we'll be going out with our American friends for a lamb dinner with all the fixings.

Quinlon has a ton of presents waiting for him to open and then I think we will go have breakfast at the donut place.

I'm excited.  It's going to be an awesome Christmas despite being so far from our families.  I freaking love Christmas at Granny's house... the food, the laughter, the awesome moments with family.  I wish we had been able to come back this year.  HOPEFULLY next year we can... with an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old Panda (OMG).

I haz a sad...

Turns out I was wrong about a certain member of my family.  Thought she was cool, and such... but apparently she is the least tolerant of all my family.

Nice to know.

Please, if anyone else feels I have insulted or "screwed" them over tell me now.  I've never set out to make my blog offensive or closed-minded, anything but, actually.  I have followers/commenters from so many walks of life and always prided myself on the fact that I was loved and respected by such a variety of people.  In turn, I love and respect those people for accepting me as I am with respect and understanding.

I guess it hurts least when you are "disowned" by the notoriously most hot-blooded, unreasonable person in your family.  Yes, I remember the stupid dramatic fights of holidays past...  Funny how the majority of them involved this one person.  I guess this year is no different, but I am the target because it's easy to be mean to someone online when you can rally the troops in my absence.

Correct me if I am wrong, but that behavior seems FAR from what you are waving in my face as "the truth". I'm not ignorant.  I know your "truths" so don't try to use it as a weapon because you are angry.  If you want drama, seek it elsewhere.  I like the peace I have in my life and will gladly write you out of it as you requested because your behavior is far from what I love and adore about MANY Christians who are integral parts of my life.

Merry Christmas to you too.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Happy 2nd trimester to, meeeeeeeee!

Quite a nice milestone in my, oh, so humble opinion.  Sadly, there was no celebration today as I feel sort of off.

Like I've been chasing a toddler and picking shit up all day and my uterus/tummy area is sorta pissed off.  Sore... Not really crampy, just heavy and sore.  Most likely it's the stretching stuff because there are no other signs that it is something bad (no bleeding, cramping, hoo-ha pressure, etc).  So, I've been trying (bahaha, we know how that usually turns out, now don't we?) to stay off my feet. 

Of course, Quinlon decides to be a little needy punk today.  Mostly it's been directed toward Donnie, which, while I find it highly amusing, still makes it stressful for me because he SUCKS at multitasking (yes, even things as simple as holding a child and surfing the internet) and has been desperately trying to study for his upcoming exams.  So I hear little person whine followed often and quickly by the big person's whine or voice of some significant frustration and then mommy-radar starts blaring and I have to go try and peel little person off big person and explain to big person that he really needs to be more patient with the little person who is clingy to him because he missed him so desperately while he was gone for a week.

Good times.

Oh, did I mention my refrigerator is an angry elf?  Yeah... stopped working completely the other night.  Woke up yesterday morning to stench.  It might be fixed now, but we're still trying to figure out if the lingering odd smell is from the moldy noodles that were hidden in the back or if it is a coolant leak.  I just paid 442 yuan for that coolant so it damn well better stay the fuck where it belongs.

In productivity news, I wrote almost 400 words for the book AND swept two rooms AND picked up toys... thrice!  No wonder my stomach/uterus is pissed off.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Life is so strange...

I watch beautiful amazing people take a beating, but blink and other beautiful amazing people are being lifted up.  I know it's all cyclical, it's just so odd to watch the juxtaposition of different cycles at different places in time happening around me.

I don't want those super awesome people to hurt.  I know they don't really want it either, but I DO know, watching from the other side of some of their struggles, that they will perservere and become even more awesome.  Watching that progression of personal growth when someone gets knocked on their ass but gets up, dusts themselves off and start the climb again is inspiring and humbling in that it very vividly recalls the times when I was sitting on my ass in the dirt, blinking and trying to figure out how the fuck I got there. 

And most importantly, it makes me grateful beyond words for the wonderful things I DO have (like a toddler who keeps trying to shove books into my hands while I am typing because he wants me to hold the book while he reads to me).

For those of you waiting for the dust to clear, to get your bearings and find the strength to start again:  You can do it.  You feel hopeless, and beaten, defeated and forgotten, but you are NOT.  You are human and you are beautiful and precious and things can only get better each time you start the climb again.  I believe in you.

And for those of us currently climbing and enjoying the break from the hard knocks, love it, appreciate it, NEVER take it for granted.  It's temporary.  The only things in life that count are what you decide to do with the shit you are handed when you're flat on rock bottom with the breath knocked out of you.  Keep climbing and reach down and lend a hand to someone who needs a little boost.

I love you.  All of you.  And if you need a hand... take mine.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

le sigh...

I  miss my husband.  His return has been delayed and he has to stay overnight in Beijing.  :(

I'm totally pouting at the universe right now.

Today was rough and not in the toddler won't calm the fuck down sort of way.  I wasn't even home with him for a good portion of the day because I had classes to teach today.

But I'm drained.  Quinlon had a rough night for some reason.  I got headbutted in the mouth and nose separately during the night by the tossing and turning little hellion.  And when he was being restless, it seemed I was up peeing.

And it's COLD.  Walking/waiting for the bus/taxi in this weather wears me out.  I don't know why.

T-minus 40 minutes until bedtime starts.  WOOT!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

For what it's worth

I still haven't managed to sit down and write (we had two days in a row of shitty napping and all out toddler mayhem) but I did manage to sweep and mop the disgusting dining room and hall floor AND my giant mountain of laundry is down to 1 more load.. maybe a touch more.

Hell yeah!

Also, made a concentrated effort at resuming daily play/learn time with Q.  So far, he's loving it, and I'm glad to be plugged into the idiot box so much and back into MY life. 

My knitting that suffered is now getting resumed, woo!  Hell, I'll even have Q's Christmas pants done in time for Christmas morning.

Donnie comes home tomorrow night (YAY!) and I am so happy.  I miss him so much.  We've really hit our stride lately, marriage wise, and it feels FUCKING good after all the struggle we went through to get here.  Marriage is hard.  But so worth it.

Only 9 more days until our house guests/temporary roommates arrive and thankfully my list of "OMG get the house presentable" things is about half done.  The living room is still haphazard, but a lot of that is due to limited storage space.  I coat rack and some shelves will solve that nicely, I am just waiting for Donnie to return so I can get him to help.

Annnnd I just caught Quinlon climbing on the chair that is LAID DOWN (because he was using it to climb on the table when it was standing up) to, you guessed it, climb on the table and take candy out of my purse.  Oy.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I need to write more.

The book.  It's... there.  The ideas, their swirling about and some of them are exquisitely good.  Lately, the problem hasn't been material, but sheer lack of motivation.

I'm lazy.  And a major drawback to my ADHD issues is that when lists get too long, I get overwhelmed and shut down.

My list won't stop growing:
Clean house - gotta catch back up first of all from being so uselessly sick, THEN have to go above and beyond because we have people coming to stay with us for a week or so in only 2 weeks.
Learn Chinese - I'm terrible at this one.  Studying has never been a strong suit and if I actually have a classroom setting, I've never needed to study because I am such a quick learner that usually the lesson itself is sufficient for me to learn the material.
Write amazing novel good enough to get me published and start a career -  Yeah, no pressure.  I've realized that I need to get a notebook and start handwriting my thoughts because often, I have the most productive brainstorms when not near my computer.  But I've never written a book, the idea alone is daunting.  I can write a damn good essay, but the concept of actually making something as long as a book cohesive and intelligible has always given me a lump of anxiety.  And then actually finding the quiet time for both writing AND the previous item (studying) that is not punctuated by a toddler yelling that he peed in my shoe or falling off the back of the couch or stealing the honey and pouring it in his diaper... *sigh*  Not an ideal working environment for anyone, let alone someone who has attention/focus issues as prominent as mine.
Deal constructively and positively with the terrible twos - Congrats to us, we've officially hit the 'no' shouting, toy throwing, food spitting, hitting, tantruming terrible twos.  Fun.  No.  Really.

All this while maintaining the normal everyday tasks like cooking and playing/teaching Q and oh, yeah... growing a baby.  Also, have I mentioned I am still sleeping like utter shit?  Yeah, apparently this pregnancy is going to be one where sleep and I are not terribly friendly with each other.

So I shut down and fight the urge to mindlessly watch TV or surf the internet all day.  I've been slowing getting better, but it's hard.  So hard.  And Donnie is out of town on an impromptu trip to help a friend for a week and now I'm handling this whole list without the little help Donnie can provide in the midst of his to-do list overload with school.

There, I've admitted what a sorry useless loser I've been lately and I feel better.  Making it public gives me more accountability in making the steps to improve this rut I've found myself in.

First things first.... I forgot to brush my teeth and now it's 1:30 PM.  Oy.  It's a start at least.  Then I'll finish my gigantic cup of Italian roast coffee, eat lunch with the Q-monster, put him down for a nap and try to make a dent somewhere in my list.

Yes, it's a start.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

No words...

I'm hurting for the loss of someone special.  There are no words I can say to make her hurt better or change a bad result.

So I pray.

Go over to my soul mate Summer's blog and post something to brighten her so very cloudy day.  She just received news that her 3rd IVF attempt wasn't successful and is mourning her three little birdies.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Belly pictures as promised!

I think I look a wee bit pregnant now.

Also notice the SMALLER boobs.  I'm blaming the weight loss from early weeks and the fact that Q only nurses 4x in a 24 hour period so my milk supply is minimal.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Happy 12 weeks...

I forget the exact #s but all the statistics laud 12 weeks as a happy time when the chance of miscarriage drops considerably... is it 5ish%?  Hell, it's obvious this is #2 because I know I was armed to the teeth with this info when I was pregnant with Quinlon. 


I'll be taking a belly picture today SOMETIME to get back on even weeks so I can compare them more accurately to last time's pictures.

Please pray for Summer and her 3 birdies tonight.  After a early BFN on HPTs she has her beta tomorrow morning (USA time, not mine obviously).  Please, goddess, she deserves joy not more heartache.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Holiday randomness...

::Due to some immature family drama... Here is a nice little disclaimer: I don't think the current Christmas is evil or "DARK". I don't think people who are religious are wrong and shouldn't celebrate Jesus. I DO think if this offended you, you do not know me at all because, if nothing else, I strive to respect all people's beliefs. So, put your big girl panties on LYNDA and face that fact that this was NOT about you, but about someone in my life who has insulted me repeatedly regarding Christmas. ::

I don't really consider myself huge on Christmas.  Not Christian, so that whole aspect is moot and while I have always LOVED the food and family time, the actual goings on leading up to the day annoy me for the most part.  Of course, there are exceptions, I love parties and gift exchanges and cookies and decorating, but the Christmas songs constantly being shoved down my throat everywhere I go and the people that just... overdo it.  *sigh*  You know the ones I am talking about.  And, call me a grinch, but I don't love 90% of Christmas movies.  I like the Grinch, Elf and the old claymation ones, especially Rudolph, but the rest make me grit my teeth and contemplate knitting needles in the eyes.

And on a tangent, I totally get annoyed with the in-your-face-uber-Christians who think they invented this damn holiday... uh NO!  The Catholic Church ganked the celebration from the pagans thinking that if they just merged the holidays it would ease the heathen's transition into their dogma. 

Originally, the Romans had a fun little festival they celebrated the week of Dec 17-25 that ended in the slaughter of an innocent person.  Quaint.  Christmas actually has quite the dark past...  Read all about it here.

So, lack of PCness aside, I do love the holiday because I love giving gifts.  Sometimes I struggle with WHAT to give, but I have always been quite fond of making others happy with thoughtful gifts. 

So, what's on my Christmas wish list, you might wonder?
Nikon D3000 (this is a definite this year since it coincides with me writing a non fiction book about China that needs photographs)

Some yummy boots like these

YARN!  Mama needs to knit socks and happy things for Panda and Q!
And some yoga style sweatpants and extra long tanks and tees from American Apparel because maternity clothes in China are the leftover 1980s rejects from the US but WORSE.

So, what is on your wishlist?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A further note on "A change of plans" post...

We decided to be safe and choose a boys name in case Panda has a penis or Panda turns out to be fraternal boy/girl twins that DO run in our family.

So the names we like for a boy are also very Gaelic.  No middle name picked as of yet, either.  We haven't found the right fit yet.

Aodh  (pronounced Eee)
Bligh (pronounced Bly)

Funny that both are monosyllabic when I am pretty big on 2 syllable names, but they sound so pretty spoken and if it is twins, sound fabulous with Beibhinn.

Passing on a fan-freaking-tastic deal! is running a few specials!

* Free Photo Clutch Book - use code C3733859796 (it is the patterned clutch)
* Free Pack of 25 Photo Paper Holiday Cards - use code C3733852365 (MUST be "photo paper" style cards)
* Free 11" x 8" Photo Calendar - use code C3733858476
* $25 coupon towards any other photo creation - use code C3733847579

You can only use one code per account and transaction.  So if you want to use all 4, you would have to have 4 separate accounts with 4 different emails.

If you use any of the first 3 codes, it is completely free, even standard shipping!  The 4th code you will have to pay shipping on your order even if the item is less than $25.  Either way, still a SWEET deal and just in time for the holidays!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I almost forgot!

I know I mentioned it...

a week or so ago in passing in a post about possibly feeling the baby.  Like super early, 9.5ish weeks.  I'm still not sure if it was Panda or gas, but about a week later it became QUITE clear it was not gas.

Those flutters make my heart melt and when I exclaim, "Panda's kicking me!" Donnie runs over and puts his face to my belly desperately trying to join in the moment.  Despite me constantly reminding him it's still quite a while before she will kick hard enough for him to feel on the outside, he keeps trying.

And on another but related note, please send all sticky/positive/pregnant vibes you have to my new BFF, Summer over at her corner of blogland.  She's fought long and hard for this chance at mommyhood and is currently keeping her feet up while three perfect little embryos dig in and get comfy for the next 9 months.  I want it to work for her so badly that I dream about it at night.  <3