I'm so tired.

The struggle, the false hope, the let down, the heartbreak... it's all too much.

I just want what we were so close to having. There's a hole in my heart that aches every time I see someone happily wheeling around an infant. It's getting harder and harder to put on a happy face when someone shares their good news. There is a void that nothing but a baby will fill. I want my family.

I can't see an RE because my insurance balks at anything that even smells like infertility. I'm hoping that I can approach my OBGYN with health related concerns I am having that are probably also fertility related. There are a million fears crowding my mind lately and I am so overwhelmed with the struggle this last year has been.

*sigh*

I can only go up from here. As much as emotional rock bottom sucks, it's only temporary.