Saturday, May 12, 2007

If you cross me, I will cut you.

There's this guy, we'll call him Joe. He was Donnie's best friend for years, was there for him when others weren't.

When Donnie and I first met, Joe waited until Donnie wasn't around, and tried to hit on me. This was after Donnie had told him that he thought "this is the girl for me". It bothered me. I told Donnie, and though, not surprised, he was a little hurt by it.

Fast forward a few weeks to when Donnie and I moved to NY from FL. Joe took this as a personal insult. He felt like Donnie had abandoned him for me...

The entire 6 months we were there he called us once. We had AIM on the phone and he would very occassionally talk to Donnie on there. After we lost the baby, Donnie and I were understandably distraught. One night I could not sleep, and I IMed Joe and told him that if he still considers Donnie a friend, he should call because Donnie could really use a friend right now. That was it. I did not tell him why, or say anything other than that. He did not even reply to me. So, set the phone aside and went to bed.

Later that night, I woke up to Donnie have a panic attack. Joe had told him that he had "talked to me" and I had "told him everything".

I was livid and at that moment I wrote him off. He lied to Donnie just to get him to turn against me.

--Now a little background on this guy. He is in a signed band (whoopdifuckingdoo). Atg the time we met him, he had one daughter, and another kid on the way with a porn actress, stripper mother.

He's kind of a low life if you add everything up.

When we moved back to FL, we never told him, but he eventually found out and started bugging us to hang out. After a while, I caved and (for Donnie's sake only) decided to put aside my hatred for the guy and hang out with him and his new girlfriend.

Well, after saying something about how we were TTC, they announced that they were expecting. She was on birth control at the time and he had another kid less than 6 months old. Bottom line was that they did not want the baby.

Add this to the fact that when we would make plans he would bail nearly constantly, or just would not show up. I was over him, once again.

It hurt, but conveniently after that, Joe kinda faded away and quit contacting us.

I thought that was the end of this soap opera...

Oh, fuck no. Now both Joe and the gf (whom, while pregnant, Joe left to go back to the porn girl because she had more money) are bugging us to hang out again.

Am I wrong to still resent them? Not so much her, but him. She just seems to be a nice girl caught up in his "web". He's a manipulator by nature. I don't think I can stand by and act happy about this. Donnie knows this. It's just going to be so hard for me to smile while deep down the very sight of them and their baby girl make me want to burst into tears.

It's probably selfish. But at this point, I've given this guy so many chances and what have I gotten out of it other than disappointment and pain?

Donnie still feels obligated. He owes Joe for certain things that he has done for him in the past.

I just don't know.

I can only be so strong, but is this really pushing my limits or am I just unwilling to try because it is such a sore subject for me.

I will do it, for Donnie. I won't like it, but I am an actress. This is just one of my most challenging roles.

Once again, the universe is testing me and I refuse to fail.