Monday, October 12, 2009

In honor of post number 300...

Here's a little peak inside my brain.

I have difficulty blogging about personal stuff lately because I got my hand slapped about something dear to my heart on another internet social-esque outlet. I need to lose this hesitation in regards to MY blog... so to make 300 count I am putting it out there.

All the things you should know about me, like it or not:

- I have severe ADHD that I manage with strict diet and caffeine therapy. Being inside my head is chaotic at best and on a bad day, downright terrifying. I'm sure everyone feels this way to a certain extent, but the gap I have to cross each day just to function successfully is exhausting.

- I have an IQ of 160+, or at least I did last time I was tested. Sadly, this gives me a slight superiority complex that is a natural result of my intelligence. Luckily, my Dad was good about keeping me humble and I have a wonderful husband who reminds me that a lot of my frustrations stem from interactions with people in which I have unrealistic expectations.

- I feel sad for babies who are formula fed for no good reason. Not situations where it was the best choice for all involved, but in situations where the family discourages BFing or when some woman choose formula for vanity reasons.

- I hate circumcision. I understand it is an integral part of the Judaic faith, but that aspect aside, it breaks my heart. And "Dad wants the baby to look like him" is NOT an excuse. Please tell me when and where fathers and sons compare penises... No really, I'd love to know where in our social interactions this ever becomes an issue.

- I don't trust the government. At all. They do not have our best interests at heart and it makes me sad that my homeland is falling so hard and so fast.

- I haven't slept more than 5 hours straight at night for over 18 months. Sleep training never works. He is super high needs and I am ok with that. It won't last forever and years from now I will wish he still wanted to cuddle himself to sleep next to me in bed.

- I have major self esteem issues. Major.

- I still only barely get along with my parents. We totally can be friendly and talk on a surface level but there is no closeness. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I've tried so hard over the years to reconnect and failed. I finally had to stop putting my heart on the line over and over only to get put at a distance again. I have given up ever being close to them on a deeper level ever again and am just content to be on speaking terms most days.

- My MIL, while sometimes annoying, is a wonderful lady who tries continuously to keep herself a part of our lives. It means a lot to me. She is always willing to ship us things at the drop of a hat and never asks for anything in return.

- In my opinion, crying it out is cruel and traumatic. My mom did it for me and I STILL have massive sleep issues that I know stem that.

- Most days I am happy with me, faults and all. Some days I feel like a terrible mom, but Donnie swears to the contrary.

- AF is 2 days late.


Larissa said...

Thanks for sharing. I agree with a lot of your bullets.

Sarah said...

awesome post! I think you should put your thoughts out there on your blog. While I may not agree with everything you say all the time, it is your thoughts and opinions (and your place to put them), so I respect that.

Hollie said...

That's great that you are putting it all out there. This is your blog!

I also feel sad for formula fed babies even though they are being nourished and loved. I just can't help it. I went to the hospital to see twin girls last week. They were drinking bottles. It made me sad.

I haven't slept in a long time either. I think letting a kid cry it out is mean too! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

We did circumcise. Maybe it was the right decision, maybe not.

Sarah R said...

I am a lot like you, but have never had my IQ tested. I have always wondered what it's at...


Queen Bee said...

i <3 you.

poop on whomever gave you flack. i've received criticism for my blog too- fie on them!!

however, you cannot leave us hanging with the "AF is late" statement! the suspense is too much. ;)

Tabatha said...

Nice post! This is your blog and you should be able to say whatever you want. I feel you on the breastfeeding thing. I never understood why some people are freaked out by it. It's natural and thats what our breast were made for. They don't know what they are missing out on. It is the best bonding expirience ever. Not to mention the best for the baby. Keep on writting sista! Your blog, your rules!

p.s. 2 days late that normal for you?

Anonymous said...

Hi, Jessi! I consider myself to be a practitioner of Attachment Parenting, so I'm right there with you on breastfeeding, co-sleeping, no cry-it-out, etc. But I do have a bit of a different perspective on circumcision that I wanted to offer. I know you're extremely anti-circ, which I respect, so please don't think that I'm trying to change your opinion. I'm just offering a different perspective.

Before my daughter was born - and before we knew we were having a girl - my husband and I had the discussion on whether we would circ if we had a boy. My husband was very in favor of it not so that a boy "would look like him," but because he was circ-ed and said he is "really happy" that he had it done.

I still had my concerns, but I've spoken with male friends about it, and all of them agreed.

We ended up having a girl, so this is irrelevant. Just curious what your opinion is on this perspective.

Kate said...

good for you for being brave & opening up! for me at least, blogs are supposed to be a safe place to say anything you need to, so i'm glad you're feeling like you can use yours that way again. & personally, i really enjoyed learning more about the "real" rocket queen. :)

p.s. i also HATE crying it out & refuse to subject my boys to that. & i love the cuddle time. there's such a finite amount of time in their lives when we can solve their problems with a snuggle, & i'm not willing to give up a minute of it. sleep will come when they're ready.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to so many of those! Well, maybe not the having an IQ of 160 one, but certainly the having unrealistic expectations of others part. I love your openness about your parenting beliefs and the logic that you put behind them.

And I am sorry you are having to limit what you write about . . . it is a fine line to walk (though I have to admit that I crossed it, and could care less . . . which probably makes me cruel, though none of it was anything that I wouldn't say face-to-face with the person in question.)

mandy_moo said...

Whoa--that is a lot to take in!! Thanks for sharing though--it's fun to get to know you even better. :) I'm not at all surprised by your IQ. :)

Shannon said...

AF is 2 days late?! Interesting...

In personal news, I got a BFP last Thursday!! Maybe we are due date buddies. :)

rocket.queen. said...

I can't test. No HPTs here. I have to go to the woman's hossy to test and that is an ordeal and a half so I am waiting to see what happens this week before trying to organize that trip.

Anonymous, no, that doesn't change my perspective because it doesn't change the fact that it is an unnecessary procedure done to an unconsenting infant without pain relief or medical proof that it is best. I also know a man who was circumcized and then read about intact sexual experiences so he worked to regain his foreskin using methods like the TLCtugger and has told me that circumcized sex was great but it was like a symphony missing an entire instrument section. I don't feel it is my right as a parent to decide what my son's penis looks like. I also find the double standard with female circumcision vs male circumcision appalling.

JAIME said...

i love your blog.
i love that your not afraid to be you, or tell us what you think. :)

Iiri said...

~"hugs'~ thanks for sharing that, it's so hard to put yourself out there..i so get that.

From one severely sleep deprived Mommy to another, I think all your views on parenting (bfing, co-sleeping, circ, CIO) are great views, and I agree with all of it...

Kelly said...

Hey! You are you and that's why I love reading your blog!

Both my kids were formula fed (and very healthy), but I didn't BF for medical reasons.

Regarding CIO & circumcision...I COMPLETELY agree with you!

jenn said...

It's your blog- rock it out! A new friend refused to even give bf'ing a try with her twin girls. I encouraged as much as possible- but it made me so sad for her & them. I totaaly understand 'can't', but 'won't try' boggles my mind.

Oh- and pumpkin spent 14 weeks in our bed & now loves her crib- we figured we'd try & see if she wanted it & thankfully she's taken right to it. but I still can't let her cio at night. I ahree that I will miss those late night cuddles later.
and i am catching up from my reader & will comment appropriately- but holy crap!