Trick or Treeeaatt.....?

I got mugged today.


On the semi crowded bus on the way to teach class some man shoved me down and ran for the bus door. At first, I thought he was just trying to catch the doors before they closed but then, a split second later, I realized my phone was not in my pocket. By the time I managed to get up and orient myself we were moving again and there wasn't much I could do.

First, I was fucking angry, then a split second later, I burst into tears because of what ~could~ have happened. I'm fine, baby is fine, a little shaken, but FUCK, what if he had had a knife or if I hadn't caught myself on the chair before I fell all the way to the floor?

And to make things worse, I can't even call my husband to comfort me... I don't know his number by memory and I was too flustered to even start to think of how to ask to use someone's phone in Chinese.

I went on to class and taught, because, hell, I didn't know what to do and then after class walked a few blocks to the main campus to find a foreigner who had Donnie's number. I met my friend Sunny on the stairs and as soon as she asked why I was there I broke into tears again telling her the story.

Donnie was enraged of course.

Sometimes, I miss the US where people would have jumped that guy's ass for attacking a woman like that. Here they just stare at me like I did something strange and don't intervene for fear the "bad man" turns on them too. WTF!

I fucking hate October. Every October is bad. 2006, was when Evelyn was due. 2007, Donnie's aunt he was super closed to died. 2008, Donnie's best friend of almost 30 years committed suicide and 2009, I get mugged. If a 1300 yuan phone is all it takes to satisfy my terrible October trend, then I will take it. I have my health and live and babies. Fuck the cell phone.

I have a feeling the weight loss will continue

Today, I've managed to eat one small sandwich and keep it down. All other efforts at eating were rewarded with a rebelling stomach that resulted in some quality time with the toilet.

Here's the almost 7 week belly picture in which I am nearly 3 lbs lighter than when this started. Not even a tiny bit pregnant looking... the bloating I had was brief and now I am shrinking LOL. The little pooch is my normal little pooch that I can never get rid of.

In the midst of...

the Twilight madness that abounds, I have to wonder how pissed off Anne Rice is.





Hell, I'm pissed off for her. Lestat is way hotter than Edward.

Wordless Wednesday: Random Toddler moments

I'm down...

almost 2 lbs. I never lost weight with Quinlon. This time my appetite is hit or miss and half the time when I am hungry I can't find anything that remotely sounds good enough to not make me dry heave at the thought of actually consuming it.

I've only actually puked once due to the retched smell of our bathroom pipes wafting up through the sink drain... But all day long I feel so queasy and tired and oftentimes downright on the verge of tossing my cookies.

So this is what pregnancy is really like, eh?

I don't know how woman who have hypermesis gravidarum survive this and then have any subsequent kids. I know my situation is paradise compared to what HG mama's suffer for the whole 9 1/2 months and I am pretty miserable. My hats off to you, gals, for sure.

In happier news, I am now quite sure in my intuitive guess that this babe is a girl. So there is my official prediction... let's see if I can go 2 for 2.

What makes you smile?

Giveaways?

Yes?

Then go here!

The wonderful, beautiful, inspirational, and of course gorgeous Summer is giving away some WONDERFUL little treasures to make someone smile!

And don't forget this wonderful giveaway by another fab lady!

Boom!

I feel like I got hit with the crappy pregnancy symptom stick out of nowhere... I've been MIA in Bloggerland because I've not had the concentration to type out a coherent post. The nausea, food aversions and MAASSSSIIIIVEEEE exhaustion have sucked what was left of my ability to write coherently right out of my head.

Case in point, I had to re-type above sentence 3x. It also doesn't help that my toddler has turned into velcro since I got pregnant and insists on "helping" with everything. He also thinks the cursor is hysterical and keeps jabbing my monitor so hard it wobbles quite frighteningly (it's a flat one).

I didn't feel like this until 7 weeks with Q and this time 5 weeks was the not so magic number for the fun to begin.

I forgot how much I hate first trimester.

My Chinese friend who has volunteered to help me scare the crap out of potential care providers for this pregnancy with my crazy list of demands will meet up with me this week. She says she knows of a good hospital... I guess you can say I haven't really clued her in on my demands yet. LOL Who knows, maybe there is a super progressive hospital with nice birthing suites who will leave me to my crazy hippie ways... We'll see.

Cooking.... ramblings and a question or two.

I love cooking. All of it. The prep, the seasoning, the tasting. I LOVE it. However, the cleanup is less than happy for me. Usually Donnie will take care of the dishes and mess I tend to make all over the place when working my culinary magic.

At the moment I have an enormous pot of homemade veggie soup on the stove cooking away. And by homemade, I mean hand diced tomatoes, garlic, carrots, cauliflower, onions, green beans, spinach and potatoes all bought yesterday from the veggie market downstairs.

Which brings me to my next point of interest. Even in America, I preferred to make things from scratch. I did use canned beans and tomatoes mostly because the convenience and in the case of tomatoes, the PRICE. But I ALWAYS chopped my own garlic and onions and potatoes and season things myself rather than by the "kits". Here, all veggies are dirty cheap and there is no such thing as canned beans so I've gone totally old school down to soaking dried beans overnight to cook them most of the day the following day.

Often, people who eat my cooking ask for a recipe. This is a tricky question. I am not a cook by numbers sort of gal. I totally just eyeball measurements and add random ingredients that strike my fancy and season to taste. I like not being constrained by a set of instructions, but I know it is frustrating for others when they want to duplicate something I made at home.

So my questions:

Do you use dinner kits?

And are you a recipe vixen or a fly-by-the-seat-of-your pants chef?

Wordless Wednesday: My little artist

Already?

Yep. The gender comments.

Did anyone else have more of them the second time around?

According to Mr Widget to the right, I am a mere 5 weeks pregnant and already have had my fill of "hoping for a girl?" comments.

Even so far as to be argued with when I nicely explained that we have no preference and would be equally thrilled with either gender.

"No, EVERYONE has a preference, you're lying to yourself if you think you don't."

W.T.F?

Honestly, I am being 100% sincere when I say that I don't care what parts the baking kid has between his/her legs. Would a girl be awesome? Hell yeah! Bows and swing tops and skirties and ribbons. And another boy would be equally as awesome, I like the idea of being able to say "my boys"... although it sounds no cooler than saying "my kids" if they are of both gender.

But some people seem to have this warped idea that perfection in your family unit = 1 male child and 1 female child.

For me, the perfect family is one that is happy, (goddess willing) healthy, and loved.

The... fun... of paranoia. (TMI?)

Walking down a side street after class I felt a gush.

Panic.


Stop walking.


What do I do?









Yep, I stuck my hand in my pants in public to check. Phew. Just love pregnancy juiciness.

Today is very special...

I lit my candle. <3

Today is October 15th, infant and pregnancy loss awareness day. I lit one candle for our little one, Evelyn who left us too soon taking with her a piece of our hearts. Please join me in lighting a candle tonight at 7pm your time, that will create a continuous wave of light for our beautiful lost little ones and remember those who have suffered the immeasurable pain of miscarriage and infant loss.

7 PM came and went here and I lit my candle on our altar. I am so lucky to have Quinlon and another blessing on the way after experiencing the heartbreak of miscarriage.

Now that the dust has settled a bit

I had serious moments of "What the fuck have we done" and the whole "this ruins everything" emotion that I guess is natural with a surprise like this one yesterday.

I'm sure I will still have moments like that. Having 2 kids just a little more than 2 years apart is a challenge that I was not really planning on facing any time soon. All the comments I've received in congrats and well wishes have really boosted my confidence and this morning, I woke up excited at what our future as a family holds.

Donnie even said that he is getting excited too and that is far from the initial reaction I actually imagined. Already he is rubbing my belly and talking about Quinlon being a big brother. He seems to think we are having a girl and despite my initial feelings of it being a boy, I am feeling a lot of my intuition in the direction of girl. We really have no preference, but hot damn, I would LOVE to knit some girly, lacey, things with ribbons and all... LOL

Added the widget back. It's nice to see an old friend. I can take credit a being the spearhead of this widget's growing popularity. I LOVE it and was super excited to find it. I was actually look for widgets for my Mac laptop and came across that one for websites and the rest is history. Can't wait until Panda looks less like an alien and more like little baby.

Ok, back to knitting and cleaning...

My heart is pounding.

Next summer is going to be quite exciting come mid-June.





I guess my complaining about AF returning and not thinking I would ever get a "surprise BFP" came back to bite me in the ass. I about 4 1/2 weeks along. So early, but strangely I don't feel nervous. That will probably come when the shock wears off. I feel no need to keep it quiet until any certain point because if I miscarry again, I'll be open about that as well. Better, in my mind, to not have to admit to a secret pregnancy if something bad does happen.

Now the fun part of figuring out pre-natal care in China begins.

In honor of post number 300...

Here's a little peak inside my brain.

I have difficulty blogging about personal stuff lately because I got my hand slapped about something dear to my heart on another internet social-esque outlet. I need to lose this hesitation in regards to MY blog... so to make 300 count I am putting it out there.

All the things you should know about me, like it or not:

- I have severe ADHD that I manage with strict diet and caffeine therapy. Being inside my head is chaotic at best and on a bad day, downright terrifying. I'm sure everyone feels this way to a certain extent, but the gap I have to cross each day just to function successfully is exhausting.

- I have an IQ of 160+, or at least I did last time I was tested. Sadly, this gives me a slight superiority complex that is a natural result of my intelligence. Luckily, my Dad was good about keeping me humble and I have a wonderful husband who reminds me that a lot of my frustrations stem from interactions with people in which I have unrealistic expectations.

- I feel sad for babies who are formula fed for no good reason. Not situations where it was the best choice for all involved, but in situations where the family discourages BFing or when some woman choose formula for vanity reasons.

- I hate circumcision. I understand it is an integral part of the Judaic faith, but that aspect aside, it breaks my heart. And "Dad wants the baby to look like him" is NOT an excuse. Please tell me when and where fathers and sons compare penises... No really, I'd love to know where in our social interactions this ever becomes an issue.

- I don't trust the government. At all. They do not have our best interests at heart and it makes me sad that my homeland is falling so hard and so fast.

- I haven't slept more than 5 hours straight at night for over 18 months. Sleep training never works. He is super high needs and I am ok with that. It won't last forever and years from now I will wish he still wanted to cuddle himself to sleep next to me in bed.

- I have major self esteem issues. Major.

- I still only barely get along with my parents. We totally can be friendly and talk on a surface level but there is no closeness. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I've tried so hard over the years to reconnect and failed. I finally had to stop putting my heart on the line over and over only to get put at a distance again. I have given up ever being close to them on a deeper level ever again and am just content to be on speaking terms most days.

- My MIL, while sometimes annoying, is a wonderful lady who tries continuously to keep herself a part of our lives. It means a lot to me. She is always willing to ship us things at the drop of a hat and never asks for anything in return.

- In my opinion, crying it out is cruel and traumatic. My mom did it for me and I STILL have massive sleep issues that I know stem that.

- Most days I am happy with me, faults and all. Some days I feel like a terrible mom, but Donnie swears to the contrary.

- AF is 2 days late.

I maked myself something!

A lovely cashmere/merino blend cowl!

Over the top? Moi?

Thanks to the fabulous Sarah R for honoring me with this award!

Award & 1-word quiz!
Here are the rules:
1. You can only use one word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers!
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have fun!

The Fun Part
1. Where is your cell phone? bed
2. Your hair? messy
3. Your mother? ok
4. Your father? difficult
5. Your favorite food? hotpot
6. Your dream last night? forgot
7. Your favorite drink? tea
8. Your dream/goal? doctor
9. What room are you in? family
10. Your hobby? knitting
11. Your fear? loss
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? asleep
14. Something that you aren’t? blonde
15. Muffins? mmmm
16. Wish list item? cashmere
17. Where did you grow up? everywhere
18. Last thing you did? slept
19. What are you wearing? thermals
20. Your TV? ugly
21. Your pets? nada
22. Friends? love
23. Your life? exciting
24. Your mood? hmmm
25. Missing someone? yes
26. Vehicle? bike
27. Something you’re not wearing? Perfume
28. Your favorite store? Parksons
29. Your favorite color? Green
30. When was the last time you laughed? earlier
31. Last time you cried? Awhile
32. Your best friend? Donnie
33. One place that I go to over and over? Market
34. One person who emails me regularly? Mom
35. Favorite place to eat? Hotpot

I nominate
Joellen
Shayna
Larissa
Nicole
Hollie
Kate

Just a short PSA:

If you breastfeed exclusively and are lucky enough to be period free for longer than 5 days after your post partum bleeding ends, please don't whine when your first post partum period does arrive (months and months later). It sort of makes me want to scratch your face off.


That is all.

ANOTHER fab giveaway!

Summer is always giving away awesome stuff and this time is no exception.

B is also for Baby

Check it out.

Wordless Wednesday

OMGOMGOMGOMG!

My BFF is pregnant!

K, back to your regularly schedule program!

His aim is a little off...

I love giveaways!

Mosey on over to this lovely lady's blog for a chance to win 12 awesome prizes just in time for the holidays!

I totally cannot wait!!

CLICK ME!! Ok, not me, but the little picture above me!

The world makes me inordinately sad sometimes...

I wish I could vent about what is bothering me but the world of the interweb is a small one and doing so would make me quite the insensitive fuck.

::sigh::

All I can do is tend my corner of the universe and make it as happy as possible. Here's to keeping contentment alive and well.