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Saturday, October 13, 2007

It's so easy...

to forget what you have in the face of what you can't achieve. We're all guilty of it, and despite my greatest efforts not to fall into the "Why me?" trap, at times I find myself there.

My best friend in the whole world lives with heartbreak everyday and she is my hero. I adore her and it breaks my own heart to know there is just one thing she wants more than anything else and her path to that goal is more than just uphill... she's fighting sea monsters and hurricanes and marauding squirrels (hah!). In all seriousness, I currently have the one thing she aches for and she has never once resented me for this... she knows about my struggles to get here and the casualty on the way. She has every right to abandon me and the symbol of her seeming unreachable goal to save her own heart.

But, she doesn't and I can never thank her enough for valuing our friendship above the natural jealousy that could tear us apart.

She is family to us. I pray for her constantly in the hope that she can join me on the "other side" of the fence and feel the incredible joy of pregnancy.

I wish there were words for me to fully explain how much she means to me and how deeply I love her and her amazingly generous heart. I cannot imagine my life without her and I know she feels the same about me.

On the coattails of this revelation I sit back and am awestruck by just how much I truly have... An adoring husband, an extraordinary friend, loving family, a comfortable (although sometimes ghetto) roof over my head, a nice car, clothes on my back and food in my fridge and most amazingly a gorgeous son in my tummy awaiting his chance to complete our little family.

I am truly blessed beyond words and humbled by the list of things that are right with my life. I may not be filthy rich or even close, but my life is so rich that my heart aches with happiness.




The only words I have left are "Thank you." You know who you are and you are the reason my life is worth living.

3 comments:

Stephanie said...

You are such a beautiful soul. From everything you have ever told me about your girlfriend, it seems she is just as beautiful as you.

Jess, she is your friend, your best friend, because she is a good person! People should never turn their back(s) on a friend because you are now experiencing something they so desperately want. A true friend is someone who will stay right there with you and hold your little hand through the whole experience.

I have never battled infertility, obviously seeing how Brad was an “oopsy-baby” (man, the best oopsy we ever made, but still an oopsy), so I cannot speak in terms of the heartache I am sure is felt, but I can tell you this... My Dad has been very sick for about two years. I have had the awful pleasure of watching his vivacious, beautiful spirit slowly dwindle to the point he was all but gone. My Dad and I are the best of friends, we have always been so close and laughed so hard together, it’s almost as if we were siblings at times. His life has been a deserving one, so to see him attacked by cancer was crushing. Even though my Dad has been sick and dying, I don’t go around begrudging my friends because their Dad’s are well and happy when their health is the one thing in this world I desperately want for my Dad. I would be a horrible person to turn on others because they have something my heart wants so badly. It would be evil, and selfish, and cruel to judge and persecute others for something that is not their faults. You see, the same applies here, she may have moments that are hard to watch and hard for her heart to see, but she loves you and she loves to watch her best friend smile. That is a true friend.

We are very seldom given people (friends) strong enough to walk through this life during the good and the bad with us. I’m touched to see you are open enough with yourself to tell her how much she means to you – this speaks volumes for your character. Oh man, and her, what a beautiful friend.

MDShamrocks07 said...

I'm not even sure how to comment. I'm totally lost for words.

Jess, I couldn't make it through the first paragraph without crying. I can't even describe how happy my heart is and how much I cherish our friendship. You're my bestest friend and nothing in this entire world could change that.

I'm a total brat about TTC most of the time; I know this. I know somedays I take it out on you and vent and cry and you are still there. Listening. The words "thank you" could never be said enough to you, because it just wouldn't suffice. Even when you don't have the words to say, you're still there, listening to my pain and I am forever grateful for that.

I am so lucky to have you as my best friend and you deserve all the good things in life. I am so glad to say you're my best friend and I am truly, completely, and utterly over the mood that Quinn came into your life. I can wait to see his beautiful face because I know of at least 3 people who have been waiting for him and who will love him unconditionally.

Just like I love you and Donnie unconditionally. You guys are the best friends I could ever hope and ask for. I ♥♥♥ you!!

Me said...

That was very moving. I am glad that you have such a wonderful person in your life.