Sunday, November 4, 2007

Just call me butter...

I seem to be on quite a posting "roll" today but I was sitting her contemplating all the reasons I am feeling so lost and melancholy and the biggest one is my ~lack~ of a relationship with my parents.

Long story, short... They don't approve of my life choices. They're on A's side of the fence and I hopped over to B's side at the first chance I got. That's that super condensed and simplified version.

So, I decided that since there is no time that a girl needs her mother than when she's having her first child, I should do something to try and cross this void between us.

Here's the email I wrote to my Mom.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm sure you're pretty busy with sports and whatnot, but I wanted to just drop a line and check in.

We're all doing great. Quinn is kicking away and love feeling it. Donnie has even gotten a few kicks hard enough for him to feel on the outside. We had a scare last weekend when I woke up with a really bad pain in my stomach. We went to the ER to get it checked out and it turns out it was nothing more than Quinn aggravating a nerve with his bicycle kicks to one part of my uterus. We did get to see him on ultrasound again and he has grown SOOO much. He's was already 11 oz and is measuring about 4 days ahead of his due date. It looks like he is going to take after me, and not Donnie who was only 6 1/2 pounds when he was born.

I hadn't heard from you in a while and just wanted to tell you I miss you guys. Mom, I feel so overwhelmed sometimes because this is all so new. No amount of teaching daycare, babysitting and reading books can make me feel fully prepared. There is just so much I am in the dark about and would love it if you could offer some guidance. I know our relationship is not the strongest, but I really want to change that. I am not the person I used to be and I hope you can see that. I need to have my parents in my life and I hope that you can find it in your hearts to let go of all the hateful things that have happened between us in the past. We may never see eye to eye about a lot of things. I understand that and I don't expect you to necessarily approve of everything I do or believe, I just ask that we can put aside any resentment and have a relationship NOW as the older, wiser people we are now.

If you can't do it for me... please do it for Quinn. I want him to have his grandparents involved in his life. I want him to be able to feel the love that I know you have for your first grandchild and I don't want personal differences of our doing to ruin his chance at having that amazing relationship with you guys.

I know the geographical distance between us only adds to the problem, but we are willing to do what it takes to keep you involved as possible. We are going to be at Granny's again for Christmas. We'll be there 23rd-27th and I hope that y'all will be there at a time that overlaps, at least a little. I know it's a little early for your plans to be concrete, but I figured I'd let you know when we would be there so you would have a heads up.

I guess that's all for now.

Tell everyone hello from all 3 of us and give them my love. Our phone # is still the same and we would love to hear from you anytime.

Jessi, Donnie and Quinn

It's going to be hard not to hold my breath...


Nicole - Raising Animals said...

That's a really sweet letter and as a mom, it would be hard to say no to that. I hope things work out! I can't believe that you're 20 weeks already! Half way there! I know I still have that package to get to you. It's here....I just need to get it in the mail. :-)

rocket.queen. said...

No worries. I can only imagine how incredibly busy you are with THREE now! hehe.

I can't get over how gorgeous Lola is... Maybe we should just arrange the marriage now ;-)

jenn said...

That is a beautiful letter & I hope that it starts a new chapter in your relationship with your parents.

Congrats on 20 weeks- I can't believe how quickly that has gone by. (and less than 10 pounds is AMAZING!)

rocket.queen. said...

Thanks, Jenn.

It's a rift that has been a burden for a long time now and I just think it's time we ended it. I hope they can see my sincerity.

Time really is flying despite all feelings to the contrary and I loving every minute of it.

Poltzie said...

Good luck sweetie!
Even if the response isn't what you want you will always know you did what you could and that you were the bigger person!
A baby will always soften someone up though :)

Jewels said...

That is a very touching letter, Lord knows I've had my differences with my mother, thats were so much of my guilt from my 3rd pregnancy and loss comes in. I dont know much on the history of you and your mom, but I hope your mom sees the sincerity in the letter like I do.