le sigh...

I  miss my husband.  His return has been delayed and he has to stay overnight in Beijing.  :(

I'm totally pouting at the universe right now.



Today was rough and not in the toddler won't calm the fuck down sort of way.  I wasn't even home with him for a good portion of the day because I had classes to teach today.

But I'm drained.  Quinlon had a rough night for some reason.  I got headbutted in the mouth and nose separately during the night by the tossing and turning little hellion.  And when he was being restless, it seemed I was up peeing.

And it's COLD.  Walking/waiting for the bus/taxi in this weather wears me out.  I don't know why.

T-minus 40 minutes until bedtime starts.  WOOT!

For what it's worth

I still haven't managed to sit down and write (we had two days in a row of shitty napping and all out toddler mayhem) but I did manage to sweep and mop the disgusting dining room and hall floor AND my giant mountain of laundry is down to 1 more load.. maybe a touch more.

Hell yeah!

Also, made a concentrated effort at resuming daily play/learn time with Q.  So far, he's loving it, and I'm glad to be plugged into the idiot box so much and back into MY life. 

My knitting that suffered is now getting resumed, woo!  Hell, I'll even have Q's Christmas pants done in time for Christmas morning.

Donnie comes home tomorrow night (YAY!) and I am so happy.  I miss him so much.  We've really hit our stride lately, marriage wise, and it feels FUCKING good after all the struggle we went through to get here.  Marriage is hard.  But so worth it.

Only 9 more days until our house guests/temporary roommates arrive and thankfully my list of "OMG get the house presentable" things is about half done.  The living room is still haphazard, but a lot of that is due to limited storage space.  I coat rack and some shelves will solve that nicely, I am just waiting for Donnie to return so I can get him to help.

Annnnd I just caught Quinlon climbing on the chair that is LAID DOWN (because he was using it to climb on the table when it was standing up) to, you guessed it, climb on the table and take candy out of my purse.  Oy.

I need to write more.

The book.  It's... there.  The ideas, their swirling about and some of them are exquisitely good.  Lately, the problem hasn't been material, but sheer lack of motivation.

I'm lazy.  And a major drawback to my ADHD issues is that when lists get too long, I get overwhelmed and shut down.

My list won't stop growing:
Clean house - gotta catch back up first of all from being so uselessly sick, THEN have to go above and beyond because we have people coming to stay with us for a week or so in only 2 weeks.
Learn Chinese - I'm terrible at this one.  Studying has never been a strong suit and if I actually have a classroom setting, I've never needed to study because I am such a quick learner that usually the lesson itself is sufficient for me to learn the material.
Write amazing novel good enough to get me published and start a career -  Yeah, no pressure.  I've realized that I need to get a notebook and start handwriting my thoughts because often, I have the most productive brainstorms when not near my computer.  But I've never written a book, the idea alone is daunting.  I can write a damn good essay, but the concept of actually making something as long as a book cohesive and intelligible has always given me a lump of anxiety.  And then actually finding the quiet time for both writing AND the previous item (studying) that is not punctuated by a toddler yelling that he peed in my shoe or falling off the back of the couch or stealing the honey and pouring it in his diaper... *sigh*  Not an ideal working environment for anyone, let alone someone who has attention/focus issues as prominent as mine.
Deal constructively and positively with the terrible twos - Congrats to us, we've officially hit the 'no' shouting, toy throwing, food spitting, hitting, tantruming terrible twos.  Fun.  No.  Really.

All this while maintaining the normal everyday tasks like cooking and playing/teaching Q and oh, yeah... growing a baby.  Also, have I mentioned I am still sleeping like utter shit?  Yeah, apparently this pregnancy is going to be one where sleep and I are not terribly friendly with each other.

So I shut down and fight the urge to mindlessly watch TV or surf the internet all day.  I've been slowing getting better, but it's hard.  So hard.  And Donnie is out of town on an impromptu trip to help a friend for a week and now I'm handling this whole list without the little help Donnie can provide in the midst of his to-do list overload with school.

There, I've admitted what a sorry useless loser I've been lately and I feel better.  Making it public gives me more accountability in making the steps to improve this rut I've found myself in.

First things first.... I forgot to brush my teeth and now it's 1:30 PM.  Oy.  It's a start at least.  Then I'll finish my gigantic cup of Italian roast coffee, eat lunch with the Q-monster, put him down for a nap and try to make a dent somewhere in my list.

Yes, it's a start.

No words...

I'm hurting for the loss of someone special.  There are no words I can say to make her hurt better or change a bad result.


So I pray.

Go over to my soul mate Summer's blog and post something to brighten her so very cloudy day.  She just received news that her 3rd IVF attempt wasn't successful and is mourning her three little birdies.

Belly pictures as promised!

I think I look a wee bit pregnant now.

Also notice the SMALLER boobs.  I'm blaming the weight loss from early weeks and the fact that Q only nurses 4x in a 24 hour period so my milk supply is minimal.

Happy 12 weeks...

I forget the exact #s but all the statistics laud 12 weeks as a happy time when the chance of miscarriage drops considerably... is it 5ish%?  Hell, it's obvious this is #2 because I know I was armed to the teeth with this info when I was pregnant with Quinlon. 

*smirk*

I'll be taking a belly picture today SOMETIME to get back on even weeks so I can compare them more accurately to last time's pictures.



Please pray for Summer and her 3 birdies tonight.  After a early BFN on HPTs she has her beta tomorrow morning (USA time, not mine obviously).  Please, goddess, she deserves joy not more heartache.

Holiday randomness...

::Due to some immature family drama... Here is a nice little disclaimer: I don't think the current Christmas is evil or "DARK". I don't think people who are religious are wrong and shouldn't celebrate Jesus. I DO think if this offended you, you do not know me at all because, if nothing else, I strive to respect all people's beliefs. So, put your big girl panties on LYNDA and face that fact that this was NOT about you, but about someone in my life who has insulted me repeatedly regarding Christmas. ::

I don't really consider myself huge on Christmas.  Not Christian, so that whole aspect is moot and while I have always LOVED the food and family time, the actual goings on leading up to the day annoy me for the most part.  Of course, there are exceptions, I love parties and gift exchanges and cookies and decorating, but the Christmas songs constantly being shoved down my throat everywhere I go and the people that just... overdo it.  *sigh*  You know the ones I am talking about.  And, call me a grinch, but I don't love 90% of Christmas movies.  I like the Grinch, Elf and the old claymation ones, especially Rudolph, but the rest make me grit my teeth and contemplate knitting needles in the eyes.

And on a tangent, I totally get annoyed with the in-your-face-uber-Christians who think they invented this damn holiday... uh NO!  The Catholic Church ganked the celebration from the pagans thinking that if they just merged the holidays it would ease the heathen's transition into their dogma. 

Originally, the Romans had a fun little festival they celebrated the week of Dec 17-25 that ended in the slaughter of an innocent person.  Quaint.  Christmas actually has quite the dark past...  Read all about it here.

So, lack of PCness aside, I do love the holiday because I love giving gifts.  Sometimes I struggle with WHAT to give, but I have always been quite fond of making others happy with thoughtful gifts. 

So, what's on my Christmas wish list, you might wonder?
Nikon D3000 (this is a definite this year since it coincides with me writing a non fiction book about China that needs photographs)

Some yummy boots like these

YARN!  Mama needs to knit socks and happy things for Panda and Q!
And some yoga style sweatpants and extra long tanks and tees from American Apparel because maternity clothes in China are the leftover 1980s rejects from the US but WORSE.

So, what is on your wishlist?